


I've Got Boulders On My Shoulders

by plasticflowers



Category: The Front Bottoms
Genre: First Kiss, Idk how to tag things, M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 16:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5340401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plasticflowers/pseuds/plasticflowers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone believes what Brian says. Sometimes it's nice, it sure feels less complicated. He can lie about so many things, say he's fine or not in love with Mat and everyone just shrugs and believes him and moves on and Brian goes back to another day of his pitiful existence. It's easy and comfortable but sometimes he wishes someone would stand up and call him out on his fucking bullshit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Got Boulders On My Shoulders

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little song fic based on "Be Nice To Me" by TFB. Co-written with thefrontboyfriends on tumblr.

_What's it matter anymore if you believe the lies I tell?_

Everyone believes what Brian says. Sometimes it's nice, it sure feels less complicated. He can lie about so many things, say he's fine or not in love with Mat and everyone just shrugs and believes him and moves on and Brian goes back to another day of his pitiful existence. It's easy and comfortable but sometimes he wishes someone would stand up and call him out on his fucking bullshit.

_There's no meaning to the words but we still sing these songs well_.

Brian writes about Mat. All the time. There's lyrics that will never see the light of a real song and there's others the have become their most famous songs but so many of them are about Mat. Mat sometimes asks where the words come from and Brian will always lie (as usual) and just say they're from an ex or a friend or just made up. Mat just smiles and says they're good. Brian dies a little. The words don't mean anything as far as Mat’s concerned but at least they sound good playing the songs.

_And we all left it alone I'm sure it will work itself out fine._

And hey, maybe if Brian just ignored it then maybe this stupid baby crush will fade away into nothing but high school infatuation. Maybe for once in all the years Brian's known Mat he won't feel this crushing sense of being hopelessly in love with no place to go and no way to confess, and maybe everything will be okay.

_We are running out of time._

Brian's reaching the end of his rope. He and Mat are writing music together and going on tiny tours and Brian knows that being so close to Mat like this is killing him. Sometimes he just thinks he should call this whole thing off and let Mat go to college and he can go back too and they'll forget about this all soon but then he sees the light in Mat’s eyes when they play live and he knows he could never do that to him. He just doesn't know what he's going to do about himself.

_You say I'm changing._

Brian is changing, even if he doesn't think so. But Mat does. Brian's more distant, less affectionate, and there's always this look of something mat can't quite place in his eyes. He just wants the old Brian back.

_Sorry I did not stay the same._

Brian gets it when Mat starts to look at him with worry and speaks more gently around him. Brian gets it but he doesn't do anything to fix it. One day when they’re back home, Mat tries to talk to Brian about him changing. Brian feels pissed and almost betrayed, by himself and his stupid feelings because it's not his fault that he in love with his best friend and it's killing him. Mat’s still speaking and he’s asking Brian for answers that Brian wants to give him but can’t. Before Brian knows what he's doing he's leaning forward and kissing Mat and it hardly lasts a second but when he leans back Mat’s staring at him, completely bewildered and Brian just runs out of the house as fast he as he can.

_I try to show emotion, but my eyes won't seem to wet._

Brian's so scared and he's such an idiot and oh my God why did he do that? He's shell shocked and can’t even begin to process what’s happened and how much he’s fucked everything up. He doesn't really cry over what he's done, he just sort of stares blankly and all he can think is "Oh fuck".

_Can we talk about this later your voice is driving me insane._

Brian has to go back, obviously they have shows and lives, the only problem is that he's trying to ignore his best friend and the guy he fucking lives with so when Mat approaches him later with this caution in his voice he's never used with Brian and asking if he wants to talk about it, Brian snaps a little and just tells him to go away.

_You're a flashlight in a darkroom for the loneliest black out._

That night he lies in bed and thinks because what the hell has he done? And then he hears his bedroom door open and Mat creeps in super slowly.

"Hey,” he says softly before sitting on the end of Brian’s bed and they just stare for a while in the darkness together.

_You were all that we had left after it all was filtered out._

Mat has been Brian's best friend for so long. There were pictures of them together since Brian was in preschool. People used to think they were conjoined or something. Brian never wanted to lose him. That's why he never said anything. He didn't want Mat to hate him for loving him. He wouldn't blame Mat if he did hate him. In the dark room, Brian lets out a choked sob.

_Turn you on in a dark room just before we both pass out._

When Brian starts crying, Mat seems to spring to life. He’s instantly right by Brian’s side, trying to comfort him. He whispers in Brian’s ears "No, no you don't need to cry" over and over. Brian clings to his best friend and whispers “I’m sorry”’s back.

_Turn you on when I need you but the battery ran out._

Brian sobs into mats shirt for a while and he honestly feels super gross but Mat doesn't seem to care, he keeps stroking Brian’s hair and rubbing his back in slow circles. Brian feels so drained, physically and emotionally so when Mat whispers "You never even asked me how I felt" Brian's almost sure he's dreaming.

"What?”

Mat just shrugs and repeats, "You never asked."

Brian scrambles up to look Mat in the eyes. "You mean you...like me too??"

Mat smiles and it looks like a little bit of an exasperated ‘my-friend’s-a-complete-idiot-smile’ and nods. "We don't have to be so high school about it. But yeah, I like you Brian."

_You're a werewolf and I'm a full moon, all your very worst enemies will be gone soon._  

And just like that, it's goodbye to old, mopey Brian who could barely look Mat in the eye and Mat is so glad to have this smiling, somewhat bewildered looking Brian who's leaning up and asking if he can kiss him again, properly this time, apologizing about being gross and tear stained as he does so.

_I think you're changing don't worry you don't gotta stay the same._

Their lives are different after that, albeit the same in a lot of ways. Mostly just with more making out. Brian's so glad things changed. He looks up and over to Mat, who's packing up his drum set but turns and smiles at Brian when he notices him looking. Yeah, really glad

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!


End file.
